Two things that don't go together well...

Note to readers: Last week's post was criticized for being unfunny. "Too much science." "Stop blogging about blogging." "Who's Bea Arthur?" Without admitting to humorlessness, today's post is an overt attempt at farce.

But first, perhaps you ought to put a timer on how long you'll spend here today.

Let's begin with a photo caption contest.

1. Don't be distracted by the disguise - the butt is here.
2. No hands, no feet but at least the butt is callipygous.
3. While Conan searches for his lost contact lens, kick him in the butt.
4. And now it's your turn...

My wife enjoys crochet and my penchant for applied geometry is well documented so together we should really enjoy Crocheting Adventures with Hyperbolic Planes, winner of oddest book title of the year. On the other hand, this Japanese document is one of the best uses of applied geometry I have ever seen as it pertains to miniskirts.

This year is the 25th anniversary of Fort Worth's Main Street Arts Festival, rated as one of the top 3 fine art shows nationwide. Speaking of Fort Worth events, come to the ANA's National Money Show and see $1.2 million in uncut $100,000 bills (among other cool numismatic treasures).

It's been a while since I did any bacon and you've probably already seen Bacon Vodka, but what about bacon toothpicks and bacon roses?

Teach yourself how to build graphical user interfaces using Tk with these tutorials from TkDocs. Use the Inverse Graphing Calculator to see what any text looks like as an equation. Need to find out whether an image is being used elsewhere on teh interwebs? Try TinEye, reverse image search. (I found 14 places where my avatar is being used.)

The alphabet as a kind of dance. (They're dancing, right?) If the dancing alphabet was too subtle for you, Alex Merto draws one that's a bit more... provocative. The Eiffel Tower being erected (not a joke).

Another theme here is resurrected with this Sci-Fi periodic table. If the plethora of periodic tables has you confused, refer to this periodic table of periodic tables.

Looking for a job? Heed the advice in this article about writing a good cover letter. Alex, I'll take mesh generation for $500. Or you can make your own Big-Ass Message. If your computer is non-responsive, use this simple online diagnostic test. If you've got 13.3 gigapixels to display, you'll need a wall to display them on.

Are there other varieties of camel balls besides extra sour?

Learn how to master the complex sale. Here's a guide to improving the usability of web forms. In a shootout of URL shorteners, bit.ly tied for #1. TinyURL came in 5th. Planning on writing an e-book? Better read A List Apart's article about standard practices. Here's a color theory cheat sheet.

• Mesh generation for OpenFOAM using enGits' ENGRID.
• VERDICT is a software library for mesh verification and is available under GPL.
• Altair's Hyperworks Technology Conference (HTC2010) will be held 27-29 April in Novi, MI.
• Gompute offers OpenFOAM training with courses upcoming in Sweden and Germany.
• EnSight CFD academic price increases from $99 to $199.
• How BYU optimized their land speed vehicle for a record breaking attempt using Sculptor.
• How Blue Ridge Numerics defines "upfront CFD".
• Video demos of Femap.
• NVIDIA's GPU Tech Conference will be held 20-23 Sep 2010 in San Jose.
  

Palix Tech has a new CFD code, ANDsolver, that is GPU-based (and they're looking for beta testers). Get your software for building science from Bauklimatik Dresden. SEO Doctor is a Firefox add-in.

Stephen Hawking will be speaking at Texas A&M on April 5th. You'd give a better presentation if you knew these PowerPoint cheats. Here's an introduction to mesh generation algorithms. Why watch the NCAA tournament when you have the Gus Johnson soundboard.

And now your mental palette cleanser: jello.

...a sleeping pill and a laxative. --Dave Barry